A Strange Anniversary

Today is a somber anniversary for me. At this time last year, I was admitted to the hospital and the doctor told me straight out he didn't expect me to last through the night. There's nothing that prepares you for news like that. Nothing that can prepare you for trying to say goodbye to your family over a cell phone. Nothing that stops your mind from thinking of all the family events and milestones you are now going to miss. And nothing more heartbreaking than wishing you could hold your husband's hand and kiss him one more time before you pass away, but you can't. It makes me cry just thinking about it.

 
Thankfully I received a miracle. I lived! I was given a second chance. It has taken me so long to recover and it's only been in the last month or so where my oxygen levels have truly stabilized and I have some energy and stamina again. But I'm SO grateful! I'm grateful that I was able to kiss my husband and hold his hand, I got to talk with my parents, my kids, and my friends. I got to hold my loved ones close and tell them how much I love them. I got to see my daughter perform in her dance concert, and see my son perform in the school play, I get to talk to my missionary each week, and be there when my grandchildren celebrate their birthdays. It's hard to explain, but once you've been so close to death, all those tiny moments have more meaning. Being with my family and making sure they know how much I love them is the most important thing in my life and I'm grateful I got the second chance to do that. I'm beyond grateful for all of my friends and family who prayed for me and sent messages of love and hope. You don't know how much that meant to me and still does. I will never forget it.

So, in a weird way, I am wishing myself a happy anniversary. I made it a year longer than the doctor thought I would. And I'm so glad and grateful I did.