McRoll Fanfic---A Safe Harbor

A Safe Harbor

During the roller derby episode, after Steve bursts into the office to find Catherine, the thing that struck me is how tired he looked¾bags under the eyes, etc. and that got me thinking.  I bet after their little “fight” he had a sleepless night.  This is how it played out in my mind.  Not as fluffy as Breathless, but I hope my McRoll friends like it.

*These characters do not belong to me and no copyright infringement is intended. Purely for entertainment purposes*

Steve stared at the ceiling, his mind unwilling to let him sleep.  Why didn’t she tell me?  He turned over and grabbed the other pillow, her pillow, tucking it under him.  It still smelled like Catherine’s shampoo and he inhaled deeply.  He missed her.  Somehow when she was next to him he always slept better, deeper.  Catherine was his safe harbor, but what had happened tonight made everything feel stormy and unsure.  Not something he normally associated with Cath.

He went over the conversation in his mind once more.  There was an incident. I made a promise.  Doris didn’t want you to worry.

Doris.  That was the problem right there.  His mother didn’t know how to tell the truth and probably never had.  Old resentments rushed through him.  Would he ever be able to trust her even a tiny bit?

He groaned and gave up on sleep.  Throwing back the covers, he sat on the edge of his bed to pull on a t-shirt.  Maybe a run on the beach would clear his mind before he confronted Doris.  She was the root of all this and it was time to tell her to stop playing him and using Catherine against him.  He’d had enough.

His feet pounded the sand and the surf until the sun rose in the sky, but it hadn’t helped his mood much. After a quick shower, he looked in the mirror and shook his head.  Rubbing a hand over his stubble, he knew he was tired and it showed.  He couldn’t keep going like this.  He had to get this situation under control. Now.

A few quick phone calls didn’t turn anything up on Doris’ whereabouts, but Chin called to say Catherine had sent over some new info on the case. Steve let out a breath.  He needed to go in to work whether he wanted to or not.  Even if things weren’t settled between him and Catherine, they were still working a case.  Besides, anything was better than sitting around at home stewing about something he couldn’t fix at the moment. 

It wasn’t long before he pushed the Five-O headquarter doors open.  Danny, Chin, and Kono were all there and he nodded in acknowledgment before going to his office. Danny gave him a questioning look as he walked past, but he ignored it.  What could he say?  He was having mommy issues?

He came around his desk to see if his mother had returned any of his messages.  She hadn’t.  Tamping down his frustration he saw Chin pulling something up on the computer.  It was obvious what needed his attention right then so he joined them. “What have we got?

The pictures of the nearly unconscious girls popping up on the screen made his stomach turn.  This is what he’d gotten Catherine into?  “Who is this scumbag?”  He folded his arms, trying to quell the worry building inside as Chin and Kono put together the timeline of when the GHB was given and when Dicey had died.  Taking out his phone, he dialed Catherine.  No answer.  The adrenaline started to pump into his veins, and his heart rate picked up.  Where was she?  “I’m going down there.”

“I’ll come with you,” Danny offered.  Steve nodded, not missing the concerned looks between Chin and Kono.  They were worried, too. 

“Let us know, boss,” Kono called before they headed down to the car. 

“Will do.”

It was tempting to turn on the sirens with so many scenarios running through his head as to why she wasn’t answering her phone.  What if Banks had caught up with her this morning when she’d broken into his computer files?  What if she’d been given a shot of GHB disguised as cortisone? What if her cover had been blown?  Keep calm, keep it together.  She can take care of herself.  That was one of the things that attracted him to her.  She had a good head on her shoulders and a strength about her, no matter what the situation was. 

It was a rare silent ride, as if Danny knew he needed some space on this one.  They pulled into the roller derby parking lot and Steve was out of the car before Danny had opened his door.  The arena was dark, but Steve scanned the room for her.  She wasn’t here.  “Catherine.  I don’t see Catherine.  Or Banks.”

And then he heard the gunshot.  “Danny!” he shouted over the noise of the skaters.  The memory of the gunshot he’d heard on the phone that killed his father charged into Steve’s mind.  No.  Please don’t let Catherine be . . .

He couldn’t even think of losing her like that.  He just ran.

“Catherine?” he shouted, gun drawn.  If Banks had hurt her, in any way . . . 

“In here,” she called.  Relief washed over him so fast and hard he paused for the space of a heartbeat to let it sink in.  She was alive.  Danny ran past him toward her voice, but Steve wasn’t far behind.  He had to see for himself. 

He rushed through the office area and took in the scene when he finally found her.  She was okay.  Still dressed in her derby outfit, she was there, whole and beautiful.  Danny touched her back when he went by as if he, too, needed to know that she was all right before he took the suspect in custody.  Steve knelt to help Catherine free the woman still taped to the chair. “You’re safe, okay?”  He knew he was saying it for Catherine’s benefit as well, but he couldn’t help himself.  He glanced at her, trying to take in any injuries.  Had she been hurt at all before she’d shot Banks?  “You okay?”

“Yeah.” 

He watched her for a moment, wanting to walk around the chair and take her in his arms to reassure himself that she wasn’t hurt, but he couldn’t.  Not yet.  He had to talk to his mother first before he could settle things between them.

When Banks was secure at HPD, Steve went home to dress for Dicey’s funeral.  His mother finally texted him just as he was leaving the house.  He felt the anger surge back, wondering where she’d been all day, but he replied, “Need to talk.  Be here in an hour.”  Then he turned the phone off.  She’d better show up, was all he could think.

Catherine and the team met him at the funeral service.  No one spoke much, but he felt Catherine’s eyes on him every now and then.  He wasn’t sure what to say just yet, so he concentrated on the service.  So many things were running through his head as he listened to the eulogy.  He’d had so much loss in his life, could he afford any more?  He thought of Doris and Catherine and knew he didn’t want to lose either of them, but some things needed to be said.  He had to have some answers, ASAP.

Doris was sitting in the living room with a magazine when he got home.  “Tea?” he asked, knowing he needed to rein in his anger before they talked.  Waiting for tea would be just the thing.  He went over a few possible ways to bring up Mangosta while the water boiled, but decided he’d do what he did best.  Just be direct.  When the water was done, he brought her the tea and sat down.  “Mom, we need to talk.” 

But no matter how direct he was, the more questions he asked her, the more frustrated he got.  She wanted to protect him.  Her leverage was gone.  He stood.  There wasn’t anything left to say.  He wouldn’t be getting any answers out of her.  In the end, all he had were more questions. 

He got in his car and texted Catherine.  Meet me.  You know the place. 

Walking toward her, silhouetted on the beach, he couldn’t help but think how beautiful she was.  She turned, her expression questioning, sad.  The words on his tongue died.  What could he say?  Don’t make any more promises to my mother?    

But before he could say anything, she met his gaze and said exactly what he needed to hear.  “I’m sorry.  I should have told you.”

Cupping her head he kissed her, long and sweet.  She knew him.  She was part of him.  That’s what mattered.  He looked into her eyes, seeing only sincerity. He pulled her against him, dipping his head to her shoulder, engulfing her in his arms.  The water lapped on the rocks and the wind blew all around them, but Steve just held Catherine even tighter.  In one area of his life he felt anchored again.  He’d come home.

Want to read some of my other McRoll fanfics?  

Click here for Breathless

Click here for Let's Go Home

Click here for The Long-Awaited Dinner

Click here for Always