This Crazy Thing I Did & Book Review In God Is Our Trust

So, remember yesterday when I was saying how good I felt with the paper purging? (And when I found another $20 this morning I felt even better). Well, last night, I was on Facebook talking about it and this other author chimed in and said she had a bunch of filing/paperwork she needed to go through by Thursday, and she challenged me to get my last corner of my room AND my closet done by Thursday. If I do it, I will reeceive a free copy of each of her five books.

And I agreed. (And if she finishes her goals, I'll give her free copies of some of my books.)

I know, I know, it might kill my good feelings to rush through this, but I'm halfway through the corner already. It's the closet that's going to kill me. (And I took before pics this time so you can see what I'm talking about when I post them.) So, if you come by the house and find me mumbling to myself with a stack of paper in my hand, you'll know I've finally lost it, all for the love of books. Just FYI.

Today I want to tell you about In God Is Our Trust, the final volume of the Free Men and Dreamers series by L.C. Lewis. Truth be told, I've only read the last two books in the series and I really want to go back and start at the beginning, just so I can get the layers and nuances of this post-Revolutionary war epic.

The series deals with the years after the Revolutionary War, but the fourth book begins with one of the main characters in a prisoner hold of a ship and he is who really caught my attention. The struggles of the Pearson family, both physically and emotionally, really tie these books together. The author seamlessly weaves in the history, so I feel like I'm being swept away in the time period and left breathless by the courage of those who lived through the events. My only complaint, and it's a small one, is that flipping back and forth between England and the Americas jolted me sometimes and I'd have to stop and readjust my thinking as to which family was which. But it's a small thing when you have such a sweeping drama before your eyes. The research is impeccable and I know I will never look at the Revolutionary war in quite the same way again.

This is a book that is well worth your time. Here is the back copy:

And this be our motto 'In God is our trust.'

America exits the War of 1812 battered but determined under the leadership of the last men tutored by the Founding Fathers. As she is welcomed onto the world stage, new leaders prepare to thrust an aggressive platform on the nation, threatening America's unity and her brief period of prosperity and peace.

The country's trials have prepared a choice generation, but as adversity afflicts the Pearson home, Hannah enters a crisis of faith, questioning man's interpretation of God's word. The struggles plaguing the Pearsons affect Frannie and the six families with whom the Pearsons have become entangled during the war. As a new religious reformation dawns in America, the Pearsons and Snowdens become involved with a young man from Hannah's past, Joseph Smith, whose accounts of visions and dealings with angels strain tender relationships and test the Constitution's guarantees of religious liberty.

Treasure Hunting

So, I realize you might be getting tired of hearing about my paper-purging efforts, but I had such a productive weekend. I sorted all the kids' papers, and we went through them together to see what they wanted to keep and what they didn't. It was hilarious! Old love notes, pictures and doodles they'd drawn, it was just so fun to sit and reminisce with them and to see how far they've come.

Not only did we unearth those little sentimental treasures, but I also unearthed a $20 bill from an old birthday card, my daughter's social security card we'd misplaced a few years back, and a little bag of bite-size Three Musketeers bars that were only slightly smushed.

All in all, I'd count that as a very productive, treasure-filled, paper-purging weekend. And the good news is I only have ONE CORNER of my room left to purge. I wish I had taken a before picture so that you can all realize what an amazing feat this is. I also wish I'd taken a picture of the bags and bags of paper that I have recycled this month. Yet, even without the pictures, I'm feeling good.

What did you do this past weekend?

First Page Friday

Another amazing First Page Friday is here. We have been getting some wonderful submissions. If you are interested in having the first page of your manuscript critiqued by a professional editor, please submit your double-spaced 12 pt. font page to juliecoulterbellon@gmail.com with First Page Friday in the subject line.

Let's get right to it.


The Entry
She Came From the Hill
by Janice Sperry

Clay skidded his bike to a stop and planted his foot on the ground before his heavy pack could knock him over. His friends were scattered in Alex’s yard – none of them in uniform. He straightened his scout shirt. They needed to take scouting more seriously.

Alex aimed a small camcorder covered with duct tape at him and pushed a button. A bright light flashed and then shined in Clay’s eyes.

Clay put his hands over his eyes. “Watch where you’re aiming that thing.”

“The IR works! Sweet.” Alex switched the light off, leaving Clay seeing spots.

“Why are you bringing a camera with night vision to scout camp?” Clay swung his pack off his shoulder and dropped it on the ground.

“So I can film things that go bump in the night.”

Alex flipped the tiny screen shut and tucked it inside a case. Then he whispered, “The camera sees what we can’t.”

“I get the feeling that scout camp is still next weekend,” Clay said. Mr. Walters never let the boys leave the campground at night and Alex wouldn’t bring his specially designed night camera if he wasn’t planning to use it. Once Alex messed with something, it only had so many uses before it fell apart.

Alex brushed a shock of blond hair from his eyes. “Do you doubt my word?” He put his hand over his heart.

“Yes. I do.”

“I’m hurt.” He grinned, showing how offended he really was. “Leave your bike by the garage.”


Angela's Comments

Strengths:

· Clay seems to have a clearly defined personality from the get-go. That’s good overall. He has a very subtle and economic way of telling us his world view.

· The same goes for Alex. You’ve got action (stimulus/response) and a setting to ground the characters in immediately. Also good. Alex definitely gets the reader’s attention from the start. You just know that he’s going to be getting into all sorts of hijinks. That’s a good way to get the reader hooked from page one.

· Also, you’ve done a good job of showing rather than telling. The writing is mechanically clean as well. That’s important, especially if this is for a middle reader audience. Not that you want to talk down for this age group. They are intelligent and demanding readers, but they want clear, straight forward syntax.

· I am interested in this group of boys and what type of trouble they are going to get in, but also in their dynamic, as Alex and Clay don’t seem as if they’d be natural friends – given their personalities thus far. So I would read on for several reasons.

Questions/Things to fine tune:

· Alex is excited because the infrared recording option is working on his camcorder (or perhaps he converted his camera with some tinkering – which seems to be suggested – he “messes” with things) but if it isn’t dark when he tests it, will he know that it is working effectively, or does the camera just seem to be recording? Wouldn’t he have to playback the recording to verify this? I haven’t shot with IR, so I’m not certain, but it may be helpful to clarify this for the reader.

I’m wondering how long IR has been a common feature on camcorders (unless Alex has jury-rigged a homemade IR device). Just the last few years? This scene gives me sort of a Goonies or Super 8 feeling (the films), what with the kids having disparate personalities but still being friends and with bike riding as their mode of transportation. That stuff isn’t as common anymore. So I’m just wondering if this is supposed to be at all historical. If so, a greater hint at the time period might be helpful.

When Alex says “The camera sees what we can’t,” is he whispering this dramatically, ominously, or literally, as if it’s a secret? An adverb would be helpful in this case, or some other clue. I’m guessing he’s pretending to be dramatic, but there are other ways a reader could interpret this passage.

· “I get the feeling that Scout camp is still next weekend,” Clay said. So my only question here is why wouldn’t he have heard from the leaders when Scout camp was? If it was initially on this day and Mr. Walters changed the date and asked them to tell Clay, that would work, but as I read, I’m sensing a plot hole here without a little tweak to buy my suspension of disbelief. Another interpretation is that Clay is giving a jab at the other Scouts for not being as prepared as he is. (This is suggested in the first paragraph.)

You can see the problem here – Clay’s meaning is ambiguous. Is he expressing uncertainty about the date of the campout or is he complaining about his friends’ levity? Also, I need more of a bead on Clay. Is he saying this warily, wearily, what? I get the sense that Alex has done this type of thing to him before (which I’m getting hints of), but how does Clay feel about that? We do get the feeling he’s kind of a stiff rule-follower type, but is he good friends with Alex then? Seems he wouldn’t approve of the Alex-type. But the opening says these guys are his friends.

· Mr. Walters would never let the guys leave the campground at night. This sentence makes the paragraph a little unclear. Is Clay suggesting that Scout camp can’t possibly be on because Alex has a camera that Mr. Walters would never let him use, or is he saying that Alex must plan on breaking the rules?

Here’s one possible way to reword this section: “You’re acting like Scout camp is still next weekend,” Clay said. He knew Mr. Walters would never let the guys leave the campground at night, but Alex wasn’t one to let rules stand in the way of a good adventure. If Alex was bringing his specially designed night camera, he was planning on using it.

In this passage, I also changed the word “boys” to “guys” but doing so implies a bigger question. I am not sure of the audience for this book. The voice isn’t strongly YA or middle grade, although readers may make assumptions based on the Scouts and the biking, which leans toward younger Scouts – a guess would be ten to twelve-year-olds. It feels a little more like the beginning of a short story or something for adults. If it is Clay’s POV voice telling this story, is he really stiff and adult-like enough to refer to himself and his friends as “boys”?

· The POV narrator right now seems to imply that Clay’s viewpoint is what we’re going to get throughout the story. If that’s the case, we should really like Clay. Right now he seems like a square—not normally something kids are attracted to. So just a comment on audience/voice: Who is this for, can you make the Clay more likeable if he needs to be, and can you give a hint as to his social status in the group? Are they just kids from the neighborhood and therefore a group simply because of geographical proximity, or are they also friends? And if they aren’t friends, why would Alex want Clay along to the point of not telling him about Scout camp?

· Once Alex messed with something, it only had so many uses before it fell apart. So I’m not clear if Clay is telling the reader this as an aside, or if he’s saying that Alex, himself, only brings valuable things if he really needs them because Alex, himself, knows he breaks things. In other words, the reason for telling the reader this information is unclear. Or at least, its connection to the previous sentences is unclear.

· “I’m hurt.” He grinned, showing how offended he really was. Change this to “I’m hurt.” He grinned. The grin speaks for itself—the showing works without the telling.


Conclusion:

Alex has already caught my attention. He seems like he could be full of mischievous fun. Of course, I don’t know what way you plan to develop his character. Clay comes across as more of a straight man. This isn’t necessarily a problem, but you might consider ways to show a little more of what type of character Clay is. If he’s the main viewpoint character, you want to create a bond between him and the reader as quickly as possible (especially if this is written for a younger crowd). Try to create a bit of dialogue or action that will help the reader identify, sympathize, or empathize with Clay. Keep your target audience in mind as you set the tone and the characters. If you intended Clay to come across less stiff, you’ll want to consider how boys this age talk and interact with each other. If you haven’t had the opportunity, try to get permission to observe a Scout activity (volunteer, if you dare!) and then pay attention to the natives.

Some of the confusion (Scout camp next weekend/is Alex testing the IR in the daytime?) could be resolved by giving more setting details up front, specifically time and place. You could mention in the first paragraph that the Scouts are meeting at Mr. Walter’s home prior to driving to the camp. Is it morning or late afternoon? Friday or Saturday? Summer? Space is at a premium the first few pages of any story, so you won’t want to spend too much time establishing the setting, but a few well-placed details will help ease the reader into the story and prevent confusion down the road.

Your characters promise to be interesting, which is a bit of a hook for the reader,
but your first sentence should pack as much of a punch as possible, so you may want to use that opportunity to craft an opening sentence that really hints that a wild adventure awaits the reader. The current start of the story is a solid place to continue after you’ve done that.

Best of luck and happy writing. This promises to be a fun read.



Thank you so much to Angela and Janice for their hard work! See you next Friday!

Know Your Audience--Writing Tip

We took six of our children to see comedian Brian Regan last night. I have to tell you, my sides still hurt this morning from laughing so hard. He is so funny! He takes something so ordinary and then shares his observations about it. Like marching bands. And riding on the back of a motorcycle. And airports.

The thing I probably liked best about last night is that we were there as a family. I knew the show would be appropriate for any age and we had so much fun together. Then, in the car afterward, we could quote the jokes and laugh about it again. It was a great family memory.

You see, Brian Regan taps a family audience. He has said in interviews that he doesn't intentionally do it, but he's just a clean comedian.

The article explains, "Regan doesn’t give the “clean comic” label a big, warm embrace because it was never a deliberate decision to target clean-leaning audiences. He’s not “Mr. Wholesome,” he says, and he can’t claim to have never told a joke with a four-letter word. He’s simply focused on humor that interests him — and it happens to be clean.

Regan had a validating experience recently when a friend from college gave him an old tape of the two performing a mock interview where they each played a character — filmed long before Regan had any aspirations of being a comedian. As he watched, he notice his friend taking the conversation in a darker, dirtier direction. Regan noticed himself steering it back to the more “absurd, conceptual kind of stuff.”

“And it interested me listening to this stuff, going, ‘Wow, that was my instinct even before I knew I wanted to be a comedian,’” he said. “So it comforted me to think, ‘Well, alright, then I’m going after my true path. It isn’t like I’ve chosen this for career reasons. I’ve chosen it because it’s what interests me.’ It was very gratifying to listen to that.” (You can read the entire article here)

The thing that caught my eye was the last paragraph when he talked about going after his true path and knowing his "instinct" or voice. I think as writers, that's what we're looking for as well. The genre you lean toward, the subjects you're interested in, that's what affects you as a writer. You develop and hone writing skills so that you can provide the rich stories and characters that are bubbling inside of you. But, until you find your voice, sometimes that can be difficult.

I was asked once if I would ever write something other than suspense. Of course I didn't say no, I can't rule anything out, but suspense is what interests me. That's what I write currently and I write it because it's my passion. It's what I love. And if I listen to those who like my writing, I'm pretty good at it. (I know, I know, I can improve, but sometimes I like to believe what I hear.) Suspense is my favorite kind of books, my favorite kind of TV shows, I just love the genre. And it's always been that way. So I like to think that I've found my true path, my instinct, and because of that, it's a little easier to know exactly where to start in honing my craft for the appropriate audience.

So, while I'm not leaving everyone laughing, I hope that in some sense, I'm like Brian Regan, in that I can tap into my audience and use my writing skills to get the adrenaline pumping enough that my readers are racing to the end and glad they read my story when they're done.

Do you know feel like you know your path? And, out of curiosity for the funny people of the earth, have you listened to Brian Regan before?

Word Count Wednesday

For those of you who are following my PaperWatch 2012, I am happy to tell you that HALF of my bedroom is now paper-free. HALF! I am so excited. It's taken me 25 days, but I'm so motivated to do the other half and I have to say, it's really done something for my peace of mind. It just makes me feel good.

What also makes me feel good is the fact that I have rewritten and edited fifty pages of my manuscript this week and then I wrote a new chapter. It's really coming along and I'm so excited. I'm not quite at my goal that I set for January, but I'm close.

How did you do this week?

Book Review: Family by Design

Family by Design by Heather Justesen piqued my interest from the very beginning. The heroine, Rena, was so easy to identify with, searching for love, dealing with tragedy, trying to find her way in the world. She's leaned on her best friend for years and once you meet him you can understand why.

Yeah, I loved Tucker, the best friend and hero.

I loved Tucker because he was willing to be vulnerable and flawed. I've read several books recently and watched a movie where the hero was just too perfect. Good-looking, great job, personality of a prince---all he needed was the "S" on his shirt. But that isn't reality and it takes me out of the story. Family by Design had a hero that was real and faced with difficult decisions, (but was still good-looking with a great job. ).

The first half of the book was so well-written I couldn't read it fast enough. The romance was the kind that brings to life the butterflies in your stomach and makes you sigh and re-read the last paragraph because it was so good. The last half was harder because the plot becomes front and center and the romance takes a back seat, so that slowed the pacing down a bit. That said, it was a good ending, which I was glad about, since there were a few ways it could have gone.

So, my final verdict is, if you want a great rainy afternoon read, Family by Design is for you.

Here's the back copy:

Tucker’s on his way to the biggest challenge of his life. Rena already has it all—except a family of her own. But neither one expected their friendship would take such a dramatic turn.


When Tucker becomes the guardian of his newly orphaned niece and nephew, he knows he can’t handle them alone, not when he might be shipped out with the Marines at any moment.

Desperate, he turns to Rena for a major favor. His marriage proposal would give her everything she wants, but can she learn to live without the romance she’s always dreamed of?


As time, prayer, and a life-changing kiss work a little magic in her heart, Rena wonders if someone up there has a plan for her that’s better than anything she could’ve come up with on her own. And though it seems crazy at first, this could become her chance for a marriage that will last for eternity.

As part of the Blog Tour, as a special promotion for anyone who buys Family By Design before January 31, you can get a free ebook for Heather Justesen’s companion novella, “Shear Luck.” Once you buy a copy of Family by Design, go here to get your free copy of “Shear Luck.”

The Dreaded Monday

Well, today is the dreaded Monday. After a wonderful, almost-relaxing weekend, I had to get up today and face the house, the paper, and the kids.

So, you know what we did? We used the Flylady fifteen minutes and the two kids I have at home during the day helped me "clean" fifteen minutes in each room. Then, when we were done, we spent fifteen minutes playing a game and repeated. They shockingly both went down for a nap at the same time and I got some work done on my manuscript AND I went through an entire box of paper.

It feels good.

Sometimes being a mom feels monotonous, but today, I feel productive and that makes me feel happy. And I have happy kids because Mom had fun playing with them today.

How do you get rid of the monotonous feeling we sometimes get in our lives?