The End of JumpStartWriMo--Come Win a Prize!

Well, I think I've had the worst day in the history of the universe and it kept me away from the computer so I didn't make my goal.  But I got very very close and I'm thrilled with that.  It definitely was the jump start I needed.  My next book is outlined and my current book is *thisclose* to being edited and done.  Whew!  I worked hard and was so motivated by knowing I was accountable to you all.

Thank you SO much to everyone who participated all month long.  You guys are amazing and I'm so lucky to have bloggy friends like you.

Now for the prizes.  Tell me in the comments how you did on the goals you set for June and your name will be entered in the prize giveaway of a first chapter critique by Jordan McCollum and a copy of either Twitterpated by Melanie Jacobson or Murder by the Way by Betsy Brannon Green.

I think my favorite part of the whole month was the sprinting.  We definitely need to keep doing that.  So, how did you do?  What part of the month was your favorite?  Tell me everything . . .

First Page Friday

Can you believe it's the last Friday in June already?  This year is flying by.  Tomorrow is the last day of JumpStartWriMo and remember, if you come and post on the wrap-up post how you did on your goals, you'll be entered in the drawing for a first chapter critique from Jordan McCollom and a new release from either Melanie Jacobson or Betsy Brannon Green.

Here is this week's First Page Friday submission.

The Entry
Untitled
by Sonia Crawford

Teresa gasped as she fell.  This is going to hurt, she thought as she tumbled to the ground, the castle walls a blur beside her.  She wished, not for the first time, she had paid more attention to her self-defense teacher.  Instead, she had been too eager for the offensive moves and less concerned about protection.  Thud!  Teresa landed on her back and felt the air explode from her lungs.  Stars whirled on the edge of the darkness closing in on her sight.  ‘So this is what it feels like to pass out’ was her last thought.

            Teresa groaned as her body and mind got reacquainted.  “Welcome back,” Elaina said.  “How do you feel?” 

            “Like I’ve been run over by a stampede of horses,” Teresa responded. She groaned again as she tried to sit up.  Elaina came to assist her. 

           “You were lucky,” Elaina said.  “I can’t believe you fell on the only place that could have prevented your death.  That gorse bush wasn’t even that big.  How you managed to plant yourself right in the middle of it...Well, let’s just stick with – you were lucky.”

           Teresa thought back to how she had gotten here, where she was now.  It had been a long, hard process, but it had been worth it.  “When can I leave,” she asked. 

           “Tomorrow, if you don’t have any other symptoms.”

           “What do you mean other symptoms?” 

           “You mean besides being unconscious and barely breathing?  Let’s see - your eyes were rolled back up in your head, your face was white as a bleached sheet, and your lips were purple.  Head and back injuries are not something to take lightly, Teresa.  You should be dead.  That fall should have killed you.  I don’t know why you were up there, but I know Deke will want to have a full report when you are back up on your feet.  In fact, you might want to fake feeling ill a couple more days, just to let his anger have more time to dissipate, before you go talking to him.”

Angela's Critique (with special thanks to editing assistant Heidi Brockbank)

What Works

            This starts off with immediate action. We meet the heroine in mid-fall. She has a wry sense of humor – of course it’s going hurt, falling off a castle. It could even kill you, depending on the situation. You’ve got a lot of questions buzzing in the reader’s mind by now. Is Teresa a spy? Was she on a secret mission? Why was she taking self-defense? Now that you’ve kindled the reader’s curiosity, let’s look at some ways to fan the flames.

Curiosity Kills More than Just Cats

            Curiosity is great, but it’s easy to cross the line into vagueness, something you definitely want to avoid. Here are some places where an ounce of clarification will prevent readers from losing interest in the story:

·      Teresa wishing she had paid more attention to self-defense teacher—this line creates potential confusion. An initial impression may be that she was undergoing self-defense training in the castle. We don’t get another clue until the end of the page, where we hear about Deke. Now more confusion sets in. Since Elaina doesn’t know what Teresa was doing “up there”, we think it must not be something simple and obvious, like training. And why Deke would be mad that she fell is another mystery. This could be the start of a good hook, but we need a little clarity so we’re not floundering around, trying to get a foothold on the scene. Adding a line, or even a few words, could help the readers understand what is happening before they jump to wrong conclusions.

·      Also, who is Elaina? Just a line subtly describing her at some point—“My sparring partner turned me over” or “My roommate smiled and…”—would give us a better handle on her relationship with Teresa. Readers want to know where they are and who they’re with. Creating intrigue with those details is great, but usually that means you need to give us something solid with a twist, not something overly vague.

·      What is the time frame for Teresa regaining consciousness? Was she out for only a few minutes or much longer? Another question related to the time is if the location of the scene has shifted. It seems probable that it has, but there are no details for the reader to draw a definite conclusion. Teresa could still be at the foot of the castle, being helped by Elaine. Or she may have been transported to a hospital or someplace else, and hours or days may have passed. I’ve never been knocked out, but I would think the first things I would want to know upon waking was how long I’d been out, where I was, and how I’d gotten there.

·      Don’t be afraid to spell a few things right out. It won’t hurt the suspense, but it will help ground the reader securely in the story.  At the same time, give a little detail on the physical things – Elaina’s looks or Teresa’s, for instance. Not something that interrupts the scene, but complements it, giving us insight into the psychology/history of the girls as reflected in their visages/apparel, etc.

·      Elaina sends mixed messages in her reaction to Teresa’s fall. Initially, she seems nonchalant about her friend’s brush with death, like it’s an everyday occurrence. A few minutes later, she seems more concerned. Their relationship is unclear. Does she care about Teresa like a good friend? A colleague? Also, Teresa seems to be asking Elaina permission to leave. Does Elaina have authority over her? Perhaps she’s a doctor? Since almost dying would be a bigger deal to most people, perhaps you can show a compelling reason why it isn’t to these unique people? Remember, you want solid with a twist to create the intrigue, instead of being too vague.

·      I don’t know why you were up there, but I know Deke will want to have a full report when you are back up on your feet. Wouldn’t she be asking why Teresa was up there? Their relationship—and her level of concern—is ambiguous, and thus less interesting. Elaina doesn’t seem overly interested, so we don’t feel it either. If there’s a reason—because Teresa is a super ninja tough girl or whatever—then explain it so we understand.

A Word about Words

Thud!  Teresa landed on her back and felt the air explode from her lungs.

So the prose here could be a bit more interesting. For instance, this sentence is sort of redundant. The sound can serve as the act of landing—and we learn a few lines down she landed on her back, so keeping it visceral is more interesting: Thud! Air exploded from her lungs.

Another thing to watch out for is redundancy in the dialogue tags. There are only two people talking, so we don’t need lots of tags.  You can increase the “voice” by cutting out redundancy and choosing some interesting details to focus on in the descriptions.

‘So this is what it feels like to pass out’ was her last thought. Get rid of the quotes. Either use italics or nothing. If you go with italics, you can trim the sentence even more: So this is what it feels like to pass out. Teresa seems to be more of a conservative voice, so using italics on the thoughts is fine. The thought in the first paragraph doesn’t use quotations or italic, so you’ll want to adjust it so the style you pick for internal dialogue is consistent throughout the story.

Final Thoughts

Overall, the setup is interesting. I do want to know what Teresa was doing up in the castle, why and how she fell, who she is and what she is going to do next. This seems like it could be the beginning of a cool Covert Affairs type story, with a smart, savvy heroine that’s ready for any adversary. But I think I’d be a lot more excited and intrigued about it all if I had more solid details in which to lose myself in this interesting new world. You don’t need to tell all in the first few pages, but you want to give enough information that we can accurately picture what is happening and what the basic setting and character relations are—and what’s at stake (not knowing enough details makes it hard for there to be something at stake—something for the reader to worry about). Be on the watch for extraneous words, and keep your sentences lean and energetic, which will help keep the pace of the story moving forward with intensity, guaranteeing your readers’ attention.

Do You Use a Writer's Notebook?

"Victory is won not in miles, but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more." - Louis L’Amour

That quote is exactly how I've felt about JumpStartWriMo.  I knew my spirits were flagging and I needed something to get me going.  I was holding my ground, but needed a little more.  Finding other people in the same predicament and going through this JumpStartWriMo with them has been such a rejuvenating experience.  I appreciate everyone who has made goals with me, sprinted with me, commented on my blog, and in general just been such a great writing support and community.  Don't forget on Saturday we're going to post how we did with our goals!

I was looking at my writer's notebook today because I've been carrying it around with me for the last three weeks and it's looking fairly beat up.  I have my idea pages, dialogue pages, chapter pages, research pages, and character pages.  The longer this month has gone on, the more paper I've filled up with my ramblings.  But guess what?   This manuscript is in the final stages and the next book is outlined.  I feel so great being able to say that.

And then I wondered how you guys did your writer's notebook.  

For me, I have snatches of dialogue come to me in the oddest places and so I can write it down on my dialogue page.  I have reader feedback coming in where a character needs more description and I can jot that down in my character pages.  I also loosely organize my chapter pages where I can give a summary of what's happening in that chapter and what needs to happen.  It's a nice guide when I'm drafting and revising.

It's also a nice reminder for me that I have done the work.  When I look at that fat beat-up book I know that  I've come a long way from the first draft of the book and that I'm putting forth my best work.  It gives me a sense of satisfaction to look at it because it's an accomplishment.  It might sound silly to some, but my writing notebooks mean a lot to me.

Do you have a writer's notebook?  How do you organize yours?  

We're Sprinting in Five Minutes---Come Join the Fun!

Okay, it's the last sprint of June and I'm going to make it count!  I hope you will, too.

So, here's the deal.  We check in every fifteen minutes and report our progress.  Doesn't have to be a long drawn out report, just a check-in.

I'm also over on Twitter @juliebellon

This is going to be fun!

Word Count Wednesday & My New Back Copy

I am going gangbusters on my goal of finishing the revision by Saturday.  My word count has been just over 5000 with the sprint I did last Wednesday.  I am SO happy with that.  I'm going to do another sprint tonight from 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. MST.  Would love to have you join us.  I do a special sprint blog post so we can check in with each other every fifteen minutes and we're also over on twitter.  How did you do on your word count this week?

Okay, so yesterday I mentioned I was looking at the back copy for my new novel that's coming out this fall.  I decided to show it to you and see what you think.  *bites nails*  

Ring around the rosy, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes we all fall down . . .

When Navy SEAL Rafe Kelly is taken hostage by a man with a bomb strapped to his chest and reciting that nursery rhyme, memories of his last covert mission in Afghanistan hit him hard.  Realizing the war he left behind has followed him home, Rafe must use all of his skills to stay alive long enough to figure out who wants him dead¾terrorists or a secret faction of his own government that thinks he knows too much. 

As a hostage negotiator, Claire Michaels is known for being cool under pressure.  But everything heats up when a hostage is threatened by a prototype of a military precision weapon and Claire is caught in the line of fire.  When bad goes to worse, she must turn to the one man who can help her, someone who holds the key to national secrets, someone she's always wanted to believe in¾her father.  Can she trust a man she barely knows and unravel the web of deceit before anyone has to die?

Book Review: Caribbean Crossroads

Sorry this post is late today.  I've been staring at the back copy for my new book and I don't know if I like it yet.  And I don't know if I can share it because I don't know if I like it.  But I sort of do.  So I'm in a quandary.  To share or not to share---that is the question.

Anyway, when I'm in a quandary I always read (or watch Scarecrow and Mrs. King) and since I watched four episodes of Scarecrow, I settled down to read Caribbean Crossroads by Connie Sokol.  (Why do I always want to spell Caribbean with two "r"s?  Weird.)  The cover reminded me a lot of the Newport Ladies Book Club covers, which I liked.  It looks summery and fun and romantic and it pretty much announces that this book is a fun afternoon beach read.  So, hey, head to the beach or backyard and get reading!

We meet Megan who has been hurt by love.  She thinks she's found The One but he's just been playing her which makes her feel like she can't trust her own judgment.  Her roommate gets her to go on a cruise where she's a dancer and she meets Bryant.  She's pulled toward him and they have some fun experiences together, but they've both been burned and the relationship has a lot of starts and pauses.

I liked the writer's flow, she has an easy style, and the setting was done really well.  I could totally envision all the areas of the ship and felt like I was really there.  I had a bit of a hard time with Megan because she talked older than she was (I'm assuming she's in her 20s but some of the phrases and words she used weren't something 20 year olds would say) and then acted younger than she was with the way she handled her relationship issues.  It made it hard for me to really identify with her and the choices she made at times.  Megan does have a big heart, though, and that was endearing, and I thought there was definitely character growth throughout the book.  The character I really liked (besides the hero) was her roommate Jillian.  I wouldn't mind a story about her.  She was fun and had such a great voice!  I also liked that overall even the "villains" in this story had a lot of gray areas to them, so that made it more realistic.  And I just liked Bryant (the hero).  He was a really great hero.  I could totally imagine him and thought he had so many wonderful qualities as well as flaws that made him three-dimensional.  The author gets a 'Well Done' on that count.  :)

So, if you are looking for a fun romantic beach read, this is the book for you.

Here is the back copy:

New college grad Megan McCormick just got dumped. Hard.


Swearing off men and relationships, Megan is coaxed into performing on a cruise ship where she meets the star performer, Bryant Johnson. Handsome and charismatic, he looks like trouble, but she can't deny the intense attraction between them.


Urged to find a wife and run the family lumber business, Bryant is torn between his family's expectations for his life and his own. However, when he meets spunky, but love-skittish Megan McCormick, settling down doesn't look so bad.


Just when Megan begins to trust again, and Bryant makes some big decisions regarding his future, her former fiance returns with a malicious surprise, taking Megan and Bryant to their own CARIBBEAN CROSSROADS.

Are You Living Your Fears?

I saw this quote over the weekend and thought it was so apropos for writers.

"Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears." - Les Brown

My dream from a very young age was to be a published writer.  And I did that.  But making my dream to make writing my career was scary.  It's scary for me because writing is like giving something of myself for the public to scrutinize and criticize.  And deep down I feel insecure about a lot of things, like whether my skin is thick enough to take whatever comes.

After having seven books published, I've realized a lot of things about myself.  I know I love writing and that it fulfills me.  I know I'm a better person to be around when I have a little writing time to myself every day.  I know that I work best when I have deadlines and a critique group, and I've learned my skin is a little thicker than I thought.  (Still, though, my heart always drops a bit when I see two star reviews.  But I'm learning to suck it up as part of the business.)

This month, for JumpStartWriMo, I dreamed big.  I made a goal to finish my deep revision and start my new book.  I'm not going to reach that goal by July 1st, (unless I lock my family and all my other responsibilities in the basement or something. Yeah, probably not gonna happen) but I'm so happy with the progress I've made so far and I can't wait to get to the weekend so I can look back and see my accomplishment.  (And I'm going to do another sprint this Wednesday, so I hope you all come.)

But, as I said above, I know I work best with a deadline, so I am giving myself until midnight on June 30 to finish my deep revision of this book.  I'm going to at least finish one of my goals for the month.  And I'm going to reward myself by buying Betsy Brannon Green's new book, Murder by the Way, or Melanie Jacobson's new book, Twitterpated (depending on my mood) if I reach my goal.    

And I'm going to offer a prize to you, my JumpStartWriMo friends as well.  Go back and look at what your goal was on June 1st.  Make a goal to finish it or a major part of it by midnight June 30th.  If you put in the comments what you accomplished, I will send you whatever book I don't reward myself with, (either Murder by the Way or Twitterpated) and reward you with it instead!  And in addition, I think we should have some sort of online party to celebrate how we did, don't you think?

So let's get going this week.  Don't live your fears.  We can do this!  We are awesome!  We are WRITERS!