JumpStartWriMo Starts Tomorrow! And Musings on Motherhood

Okay, you guys, I have decided to do the JumpStartWriMo for the month of June.  I am so excited to share this with all of you.

As you know, I have had trouble finishing/editing this story and I have two more I want to dive into.  So, all this month I am going to have us state our goals for the month, provide motivation, guest authors, incentives, sprint writing, and more.  Ms. Shreditor has said she will check in with us and offer help where she can and I'm really excited about some of the other guests I've lined up.  I hope you'll participate and tell your friends.  We're starting tomorrow!

I'd also like to tell you about a compilation of essays I just finished reading, "Musings on Motherhood" by Susan Law Corpany.   You all know I'm the mother of eight and mothering for me is wonderfully chaotic.  These essays are fun and touching, with some great insights into what motherhood is when you're in the trenches.

(Susan was a single mom, a stepmom, and a grandmother and shares stories from all those stages of her life.)  Seriously, some of them are laugh out loud funny and some are so poignant, the emotion just jumps off the page.  Well worth the 0.99 on Amazon.  And while Mother's Day is over, it would still be a quick, fun read for any mothers that you know.  Or for yourself. 

Here's the back copy:

This humorous book about mothers in all their varieties is one woman's journey from devoted daughter to loving mother to non-wicked stepmother to well-intentioned mother-in-law to doting grandmother. Humorous and heartwarming, like a warm fuzzy pair of slippers with a lollipop stuck to them.

Word Count Wednesday

Well, all of my Canadian relatives are home now.  Sad.  It was a great weekend.

I bet you can guess my word count.  Zero.

But the good news is, school is out which means I will have more writing time (I provide incentives for older kids to babysit the younger ones for me for writing time.)  I'm excited to get some things going on my writing.

I'm also considering doing a sort of Blog-O-WriMo sort of thing on the blog.  Writing a book in a month with a bunch of my bloggy friends sounds fun.  What do you think?  Is summer too busy for that?  Maybe we could think of incentives for ourselves.

How did you do this week?

Graduation

Today my son graduated from high school and I sat there in the stands, watching this amazing child of mine walk across the stage, ending a chapter in his life and ready to start a new one.  The speeches were all about remembering who you are, blazing new trails and making your own map, and making a difference in the world.

I admit it---I cried.

This is my child who is always at my right hand laughing with me, helping me, and just being a bright ray of sunshine in my life.  I will miss him when he goes to college, but I am so proud of the young man he has become.

So today I hope you will indulge me in being so late in writing my blog.  I did think of all my blog friends as I was sitting there, knowing that you would be cheering for us if you could have been there with me. 

It was a spectacular day, one of many more to come I hope.

Memorial Day and a Book Review: Defenders of Faith

I hope all of you are enjoying your Memorial Day with family and friends.  We're having a big family party at our house today, with over fifty guests, so you can imagine what I've been doing today.


As most of you know, my books have a lot of military in them and I've been privileged to meet and get to know real soldiers as I've researched.  I am so grateful for their sacrifice and for what their service to our country means to people around the world.

Because of this, when I met Douglas J. Bell at a his booksigning for Defenders of the Faith:  The Book of Mormon from a Soldier's Perspective on Saturday, I was incredibly impressed by what he had to say.  He is a former military commander who served in Kuwait and Iraq in an intelligence unit and while he was stationed there, the so-called "war chapters" in the Book of Mormon started to take on entirely different meaning for him.  He had taught Book of Mormon courses at Brigham Young University, but being in a war zone changed him and changed his perspectives.

I started reading the book as soon as I got home.  From the introduction we are pulled into the author's life and relating it to the Book of Mormon.  For example, they were trained to set up a prison of war detention facility in northern Iraq for interrogations, but they got sent to Kuwait to live in tents in the desert.  The unit was not happy. It was hot in Kuwait so they had a hard time sleeping, during the day the wind would stir up a flour-like dust that stuck to everything, and it made everyone irritable and angry.  Mr. Bell realized that with the complaining, he had become like Laman and Lemuel because he wanted the comforts of home, like they did, he hated the desert and intense heat, he didn't understand where he was destined to go since the original mission had been scrapped and he was resenting the people who brought him there.  The author talks about how his behavior mirrors the two sons of Lehi who didn't want to leave their home in Jerusalem and go near the deserts of the Red Sea and rebelled against their father.  And once I read about the conditions they faced, it gave me a new perspective on Laman and Lemuel myself.  It just made me think about things in a new way.

Of course, once the author realized what was happening, he was better able to change his attitude.  He talks about the Iraqi military commanders he met, the fellow soldiers he served with, and how his perspective was so changed as to what was important.  The rest of the book is like that as he talks about the great warrior-prophets like Nephi (there is a beautiful soldier's song and explanation attributed to him), the Stripling Warriors and why they remembered their mothers so well, Alma as a defender of freedom and how his battle with Amlici is reminiscent of other great battles, Captain Moroni and his band of brothers, and Ammon to name a few.  I had never thought about these men in the way he described and I loved his military insight into what was important to them and how the self-discipline of the military would have helped these men in their religion and beliefs of the Savior as well.

So, if you are looking for a read that is intriguing and well as educational, this is the read for you and is especially apropos for Memorial Day.  (You can click here for his author website)

Here is the back copy:

Learn about the leaders of the Book of Mormon in an incredible new way---from a latter-day soldier's perspective. The heroes of the Book of Mormon were not only great prophets, but were also warriors, patriots, and defenders of liberty. They give depth to the witness that Jesus Christ is our Savior. Strengthen your testimony and love of these inspiring men with the unique perspective of a modern warrior.

First Page Friday

I planted flowers in my front flowerbed last night.  If you know me, you know that this is a huge accomplishment because I have a black thumb and kill every plant I, well, plant, so I gave up years ago.  This is me turning over a new leaf (teehee) and trying again.  We'll see how it goes.

I'm excited for this week's First Page Friday.  Let me know what you think!

The Entry

Dark Core

YA Fantasy

Chapter One
  

            Saekina woke up covered in blood.

            “No, no, no, no. Not again.”  

            She reached out, her hands trembling, and tried to lift herself up. Her arms buckled under the pressure and she landed with a thud on the ground. 

            Saekina squeezed her eyes shut. She slammed a fist into the floor. She winced at the pain. She needed it though. Pain would clear her head. Help her focus.

            She hoped.

            Saekina opened her eyes. It took a moment to adjust to the darkness of the room.

            She sucked in a breath. A mutilated body was lying only inches from her.

            It wasn’t the only one.

            Saekina tried to even her breaths out. Need to stay calm. Never panic. Those were her most important rules.               

She tried to remember what happened, but her head was pounding and she just felt so bruised and no matter how hard she tried to concentrate, she couldn’t. Part of her wanted unconsciousness to reclaim her. At least that way she wouldn’t have to worry about all this.

            Saekina gritted her teeth and then forced herself to sit up. Her head spun as she did so, stomach churning,

            She took another calming breath before trying to get an idea of her injuries. I probably have a concussion. A few cuts and bruised bones. Nothing too serious.

            Saekina wrapped her arms around herself, trying not to shiver. She sniffled, determined not to cry 

            I don’t have time to sit around blubbering. The police are going to think I did this.

            Saekina glanced down at the dried blood caking her hands.

            Getting caught could not happen. She wouldn’t let it. Not with her history.

Angela's (And Her Assistant Heidi's) Comments  

You’ve Got Our Attention Now

Very fun opening. Gets my attention with the “again.”  I am curious now. The “woke up covered in blood” feels just a tiny bit cliché in terms of the “shocking opening sentence” but I think you save it with the “again.” You could also just move the “again” to the first sentence.

Saekina is a very cool-sounding name. It sounds vaguely Japanese, and could work well regardless if it is a futuristic or otherworld setting or contemporary/urban fantasy. It is unusual enough to stand out, but not so much that it sounds strange.

Putting the Laundry Away

Sometimes, as we strive for snappy, succinct sentences, it’s easy to fall into a pattern, listing one action or event after another, and before we know it, we have what’s sometimes referred to as a “laundry list” (or alternately, a “shopping list.”)

Note how so many sentences start with the same pattern—this lack of variation in style is so noticeable it draws the reader out of the story. A few examples: Saekina squeezed…Saekina opened, Saekina tried…as well as “she reached out, she landed, she slammed, she winced.”

To remedy this, change up the sentence structure. Vary it. Cut out repetition. And intersperse itemized action with internal dialogue or other hints at Saekina’s emotions and personality. I would suggest cutting much of the focus on her moving various body parts and compress the first five or so paragraphs into two short ones—focusing on the key pieces of information. Much of her physical behavior just gives us clues to the same emotional state, so in that way it’s redundant information and slows down the plot—which you don’t want, because the reader is dying to find out what’s going on, so you don’t want to make them impatient.

Unreliable Narrators

Good curiosity hook—“covered in blood, again.” Now we definitely want to read more, because it’s not your average, everyday experience to wake up covered in blood once, let alone multiple times. Curiosity is great, but remember, one of the cardinal rules is that if the protagonist knows something, the audience should also. Saekina knows what’s up, so let the audience know also. It won’t diminish the curiosity; if anything, the reader will want to know the why’s and how’s.

If Saekina knows what’s up (and it sounds like she does, since she has had a previous experience waking up this way, and since she has a history with the police), withholding that information from the reader means she’s an unreliable narrator. This can be done, as in Agatha Christie’s The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, in which the congenial narrator turns out to be the murderer, a fact he hides from the reader until the last chapter. However, employing an unreliable narrator can be risky. Your readers may love the quirky twist it provides, but may equally feel cheated at the reveal, as were many of Christie’s fans. Generally speaking, you’re more likely to stay in the reader’s good graces by keeping your protagonist reliable. Keeping us in suspense for a few lines is fine, great, actually, but don’t drag it on too long. I’m not suggesting you need to reveal the whole mystery—just little bits of it so the reader doesn’t think you’re withholding just to force the intrigue. A great book that reveals little tiny pieces of the mystery in each chapter (while at the same time making each into a cliff hanger/hook of its own) is Daughter of Smoke and Bone. Maybe check it out for study purposes.  

Where in the World Are We?

You’ve got a problem if the reader can’t tell within the first page what genre they’re in. Right now, Saekina could be in a historical, contemporary, sci-fi, fantasy, or even a mystery setting. There isn’t enough information for the reader to discern what type of world they’ve entered. The mention of police is the only obvious indicator of setting – but even that could be something in the past (the current word has been around hundreds of years, and the concept for thousands) or sometime in the future. Mainstream is the baseline genre. If your genre is something other than this, you’ll want to tip the reader off right away. Your protagonist’s name suggests something beyond mainstream, so clarify just a bit for the reader—at least establishing whether it’s speculative or not.

The Devil in the Details

In other ideas, I think the overall opening is great—intriguing, etc. But can you give it a little more personality and voice? Can you give us a bit more of the setting, snuck into the scene? Is she in a cave? A condo? A hotel? A kitchen? Is this the future or another world? As noted, our heroine’s name sounds very fantasy-oriented or sci-fi, but “the police” sounds very common to our current world. Can you work in a little more of the world-building (if it’s interesting) so a reader would have their appetite whet a bit more for the story at large? I think doing that would also help make your opening line more unique and not look like a “cheap trick” so to speak.

Go for more description. No, you don’t need to add purple prose. You may decide to be graphic or understated, but either way, provide some detail. For instance, there’s the mention of dead bodies. The location – right now it could be anything from the narrator’s bedroom to the abattoir in a horror film. A few well-placed details will let the reader clearly envision the setting, the situation, and the character – creating a film in their mind.

And then we need a bit more voice. Saekina’s emotional reactions to the pain and the situation are normal (other than her nonchalance and focus on escape, which is good character building), but what is her personality? Is the tone of this book deadly serious, or a little funny? Or sort of darkly sarcastic or satirical?  Work a little more of your tone and her personality (via her dialogue or internal thoughts) into this opening. You want to come on strong in all areas that are critical to hooking a reader/agent/editor.  A strong hook and plot are important for creating marketable books, but voice is also really important if you want to stand out from the competition. Many editors/agents still prefer the italicizing of internal dialogue: I don’t have time to sit around blubbering. The police are going to think I did this. This is no longer a rule in the industry, but whether to follow it depends on how you use voice. Maybe look into when it’s better to or not to.

An Intriguing Start and a Solid End

You’ve got an interesting beginning. You’ve also got a good end to the first page as well, giving us something at stake for the character, with a dire consequence if her goal of escape is not accomplished on time. And it provides a hook for the next page—what is her history, we want to know?

Saekina promises to be a captivating character. With a few more details, some hints at her personality, and a bit of sentence variety, your story will be off and running (pun intended).

 

One possible way to tighten up this scene: 

            Saekina woke up covered in blood.

            “Oh, no. Not again,” she groaned.   

            With trembling hands, she tried to lift herself up, but her arms buckled under the pressure and she fell back with a thud. Saekina squeezed her eyes shut and slammed a fist into the floor, wincing at the pain. Still, it might clear her head.            

            Opening her eyes, it took a moment to adjust to the darkness of the room. She sucked in a breath. A mutilated body was lying only inches from her.

            It wasn’t the only one.

            Saekina tried to even her breaths out. Stay calm. Never panic. Those were her most important rules.               

What had happened? How had she gotten here? As hard as she tried, the past few hours were overshadowed by the pounding in her head. Part of her wanted unconsciousness to reclaim her. At least that way she wouldn’t have to worry about all this.

           Her head spun as she sat up and tried to get an idea of her injuries. Probably a concussion. A few cuts and bruised bones. Nothing too serious.

            Saekina wrapped her arms around herself, determined not to cry. 

            I don’t have time to sit around blubbering. The police are going to think I did this.

            The dried blood caking her hands told her she was almost out of time.

            Getting caught could not happen. She couldn’t let it. Not with her history.



Thank you to our submitter and our editors today.  See you next week!

Book Reviews--Love 'Em or Leave 'Em?

I'm playing sad schmoopy music this morning because I killed off a beloved character.  *sniffle*  I haven't written The End yet, but I like where I'm at with this.

Hey, you want to see something really cool?  Remember last week when I compared unicycles to writing?  Here's a video of my son and his friend doing street unicycling.  Seriously, some of their tricks make me hold my breath!

Anyway, the topic at hand these days seems to be book reviews.  Do they really matter and should I do them?  I think they do matter, but that's because I actually read a lot of reviews and do put stock in some trusted reviewers.

As you all know I review books on this blog and I honestly state my opinion.  I put what bugged me in there and I put what I liked about the book.  I don't do it in a mean way (I hope) and I always try to find at least one or two good things to say about the book (the feedback sandwich--one good, one negative, then one more good.)  But some reviewers like to say they're honest reviewers and for them that means being mean I think.  I recently read a review that not only slammed the book but slammed the writer's ability to write in the first place.  For me, I don't think those sorts of reviews are needed.  As a writer, if that had been my book and my skills being reviewed I would have been in tears.  It makes me wonder if these reviewers know that the writers do read their reviews and we are only human.  Thick skin or not, personal attacks are hard to take.

But then that leads to the question, since I'm a writer, should I do reviews at all?  Some say no because I know the craft and look at things differently than just a normal reader would.  And the writing community is small, so I know most of the writers.  For me, reading is just as important to me as writing and I love to share great books I've found.  I don't think knowing the writer makes much difference.  My reviews are always meant to be my opinion and as I said, I try to keep them constructive.  But that point did make me think.  I mean, when I'm reading I don't think I'm judging it on writing merit alone.  For me, it's all about the reading experience.

Of course there are always some reviewers that just give five stars to everything and their reviews always seem to consist of loved the book, loved the cover, loved everything and then the back copy.  I don't know if those are particularly helpful.  When I read a review, I want some inkling as to what they thought of certain elements (plot, character) what set it apart maybe, so that I can make an informed decision on whether to buy it or not.  And yes, sometimes I even read the Goodreads reviews or look at stars.  If they have a healthy spectrum of stars, then I know it stirred emotions in people and I'll look closer at it.  I always rely on word of mouth and if you are an author I've read and liked before, I will most likely buy your new book.

What about you?

Do you rely on reviews?

Do you think writers should do reviews?

When you read a review, what are you mostly looking for?

Word Count Wednesday and I'm Having a Moment

First of all, if you are a Dancing With the Stars fan, could you believe last night?  Katherine and Mark were robbed.  They totally deserved that trophy.  *sigh*

But guess what?  After two months of whining, complaining, wrangling, thinking, and rewriting, I am writing the ENDING of my novel. Like right now.  I'm typing this blog right in the middle of a really cool confrontation of my protag and antag and we're all wondering what's going to happen because there's a bomb and a gun and some serious hate.  Man, I love being a writer today.

And guess what else?  Yesterday I fixed the beginning so it will go with the ending.  I am SO PSYCHED at almost being done with this book.  What if I write The End today?  That would be incredible.

So my word count yesterday was all editing stuff and I only added 684 words, but it was all worth it and for a good cause.  So I can be done with this puppy and move on to the two other projects that are yelling at me.

*happy dance*  *high-fives all my readers* So, yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout people.  *busts a move*  *hurts self*  *sits back down to write*

How did you do this week?