Two Reviews and Two Contests! Oh My!

Today I am so excited to tell you about two books I’ve been reading—Ammon by H.B. Moore and Just Shy of Paradise by Carole Thayne Warburton. I’m even having my first contest and you could win an autographed copy of Ammon, and a choice of books or a handmade frog by Ms. Warburton!

It’s so easy! All you have to do for an autographed copy of Ammon is, after reading the review post a comment for one entry, either Facebook or Twitter about it for another, or follow my blog for a third. Make sure you let me know what you are doing so that you can have a good chance at winning. The winner will be chosen at random and I'll announce the winner next Tuesday.

Ms. Warburton is offering her own contest with the release of her book. You’ve got to enter just for a chance at one of her pottery frogs! So, if you post a comment and mention her review on my blog that's one entry, share it on Facebook or Twitter, that's another entry, and then you can go to her link here, and become a follower of her blog, and that's another entry! But be sure to let her know what you've done. Easy, peasy. (Of course you don't have to do all three, but your chances increase if you do, and you might get one of those one-of-a-kind frogs!)

The Reviews

Ammon by H.B Moore

First I want to tell you about Ammon. Most of you know I’m a big fan of H.B. Moore’s work. Her book Abinadi really made me think in a different way about this prophet, especially the fact that I had always imagined him as an old man, when in fact we are never told how old he was. What if he had been a young man with a family? In Alma and Alma the Younger, those men were also rounded out in my imagination through Ms. Moore’s meticulous research and plausible characterization.

Because of this, I had no doubt that Ammon would be good, but I was surprised at how absorbed I became in Ammon. After all, I know this story well! But Ms. Moore’s writing of this prophet seems so effortless, it’s like we’ve really slipped back into that time period and are reading about his missionary efforts and the struggles that could have occurred as he tried to love his enemies. One thing that really struck me was, even though intellectually I knew that Ammon had given up a kingdom, for some reason this book brought it home more forcefully for me, and what sacrifices Ammon had made for the work. I just can't say enough about the quality of writing and the interwoven history and characters that come to life throughout this story.

This is a book I could not put down. I was completely pulled into the story and the people in it. There is just something so wonderful about a story that really strengthens the reality of Book of Mormon times and brings home to the reader the fact that these really were ordinary people who did extraordinary things, and they relied on the Lord to carry them through the struggles of life.

So, although my summer reading has just started, I don’t know that I will find a book to top this one on my 2011 favorites list. Ammon is incredible and is definitely a book for your must-have list!

Here is the backliner:

With the fire of newfound testimony, Ammon and his brethren leave Zarahemla to preach the gospel in Lamanite lands, carrying nothing but hunting weapons and the promises of God. Spotted by an enemy scout, they part ways in the dense jungle with hopes of reuniting at the close of their harvest. Ammon follows the Spirit to the borders of Ishmael, where he’s ambushed just seconds after spotting Elena, a fair-skinned woman who captures his interest.

As Ammon gains reknown in the kingdom, he defends Elena from the advances of Gad, the loathsome widower she’ll soon be required to marry. Then swearing allegiance to the Lamanite king and trusting in the Lord, Ammon further proves his strength and devotion by sparing King Lamoni’s flocks from plunderers. The amazed king and his court are converted to the gospel through Ammon’s powerful teachings and the miraculous events that follow, but each action Ammon takes causes more and more disruption throughout the kingdom. And when Elena is abducted by her own brother and hidden away in an unspeakable place, Ammon faces his greatest struggle yet: not just the outward challenge of lethal combat but also the inward challenge of loving one’s enemy.

Just Shy of Paradise by Carole Thayne Warburton

The other book I finished is Just Shy of Paradise. This book is about Lily a woman with anxiety disorder who is feeling unhappy about her life, and Sky, a Native American man who struggles with his identity and the things that have happened to his people.

Sky has dreams of the Bear River Massacre and the unspeakable things that happened to the Native Americans there, and he feels the emotion of his ancestor, Chief Sagwitch. The emotion of these scenes is really well done and it is easy to feel the depth of Sky’s anguish. Sky is such a three-dimensional character who really grows in the book and comes to find the path for himself by the end.

Lily is trying to work through her anxiety disorder and the fact that she feels she wasn’t worthy of having her life saved by an angel when she was little. She feels like everyone looks at her because of this and that certainly doesn’t help her anxieties. She finds an old fishing pole among her family’s things and that starts her down a path of self-discovery that leads her in directions she never thought she’d take.

Ms. Warburton kindly allowed me to interview her about her newest release.

Sky struggles with his ancestry and identity, but knows the stories from his Native American ancestors well. Did you have to do much research into those stories? How did you come to the decision to make Sky a Native American?

I've always wanted to do a story about a minority, but being white I didn't want to assume too much. However, I live in an area where the history of the North Western band of the Shoshone are talked about all the time. Sagwitch Basin where Chief Sagwitch took the tribe after the massacre is right out window. I read Scott Christensen's book "Sagwitch: Shoshone Chieftain, Mormon Elder" and became fascinated with the chief. But since I enjoy contemporary stories more than historical, I found a way to weave the two together, bringing out some of the stories from Christensen's book in Sky's life. So yes, I did research those stories, but it was so much fun. I purposely made Sky half Swedish, so that any mistakes I made in what it felt like to be Shoshone I could blame on the fact that he had a white mother.

Lily struggles with anxiety disorder. Did you know someone who struggles with that?

I've known people who have struggled with anxiety disorder and/or panic attacks. I researched about the disorder, causes, treatments, and symptoms. I also interviewed someone who suffered from anxiety and developed a drinking problem because of it.

There is a lot of fishing in this book. Do you like to fish? Are you good at it?

I used to fish some, mostly in Yellowstone but was not very good at it. I live close to some great streams and keep thinking I'll take it up again. My nephew is a master fly-fisher and has even participated in contests and done some guiding. I asked him a few questions and read up on it. I'm sure experts might find some details wrong. As a writer I'm aware that research is fallible, but so far no one has corrected my fishing stories.

What is your favorite time of day to write?

Morning after a brisk walk.

Is there anything that inspires you as a writer?

Almost everything inspires me as a writer. Definitely the places I live inspire since my first three books were set in the small town of Grouse Creek where my husband I lived for five years. "Just Shy of Paradise" is set in my current location in the town of Paradise/Avon. I think reading is essential to writing. I would never trust a writer who says they don't have time to read. Reading and studying how it's done is one way to hone your craft.

What advice would you give to an aspiring writer?

If you aren't having fun then it isn't worth it. It's hard not to get discouraged. There is so much rejection in the process of getting published. If there was a way to not take it personally, that would be my best advice. Also to be easy to work with. I think I was a little bit difficult in the editing and publishing of my first book. The next time around I realized everyone involved just wanted me to have the most successful book possible. They may not have been right on everything, but at the end of the day the publisher had a lot more knowledge about the book business than I did.

If you had a million dollars what would you do with it?

If I had a million dollars I would pay off our house and property and buy my husband what he needs to make a first class horse ranch. Then I'd buy a new kiln and do some upgrades in my pottery studio. I would give each of my kids something they need, my son a house, my daughter a down-payment on a business. Now they'll both be rooting for me to get that million.

Where is the best place to buy your book?

The best place would be anywhere that has it. Deseret Book is supposed to be carrying it, and some independent bookstores. Amazon is always easy and their price is very good.

My thanks to both of these authors. And don’t forget to enter the contest so you can win!

Gratitude and Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day and our family will be doing a lot of the same activities as other families across the country. We will be remembering my grandfather, who was a decorated Korean War hero, and we will be remembering all the men and women of the military who have given the ultimate sacrifice—the military heroes of the world.

As Ronald Reagan once said, “Each died for a cause he considered more than his own life. Well, they didn’t volunteer to die; they volunteered to defend values for which men have always been willing to die if need be, the values which make up what we call civilization. And how they must have wished, in all the ugliness that war brings, that no other generation of young men to follow would have to undergo that same experience.”

So, in my mind, Memorial Day is really all about gratitude. To be thankful for sacrifice, not only of the soldiers who gave everything, but also to their families who hoped and prayed, and endured. Of course there are still many families today, in this time of uncertainty, who have loved ones far away, serving in foreign lands, to defend our freedoms today. One of my friends is the mother of a Marine and she once wrote an incredibly inspiring letter and I’d like to share part of it with you.

“First, may I just say that I don't fear my son being killed in Iraq. At least I don't fear it any more than I do the death of any of my children anywhere. What I fear is that the horrific experience, the truly awful things he must see and do and experience almost every day, will cripple him physically, emotionally, or spiritually. When I ask for prayers for him at certain times it's that he'll be able to endure whatever he must and emerge from it the same man we sent over. That or a stronger, better version of himself. The Church produced a DVD for military families that is the greatest comfort and strength in the world to me. (I watch it almost weekly) In it, General Authorities point out that Helaman was a warrior. Moroni was a warrior. Mormon was a warrior. War, in any generation, is hell on earth but righteous men remain righteous and return triumphant (but greatly humbled) because God and His angels are always there and always available, even when the soldiers and Marines are too tired and too stressed to watch out for themselves. But the scriptures tell us that we must ASK for that heavenly protection in order to receive it, and that is why I turn to you. Those are the prayers I seek and I thank you for from the bottom of my heart.”

To me, that is what Memorial Day is truly about—the families, the soldiers, the people who believe in a cause higher than themselves and are willing to put action to words no matter the cost. And then, even in offering such a great sacrifice, all they ask of us is a humble plea for a prayer for heavenly protection as they, or their children, carry out the missions that are asked of them. Because of this, on Memorial Day, my heart is full and my feelings of reverence and gratitude are front and center.

When we gather as a family today, I want to instill in my children the remembrance for those who have served and to remind our family to pray for those serving and for their families who are anxiously waiting at home for their return. To have gratitude ever in our hearts for what is ours in this land of the free.

Ronald Reagan said in that same speech quoted above, “As we honor their memory today, let us pledge that their lives, their sacrifices, their valor shall be justified and remembered for as long as God gives life to this nation.”

And with gratitude in my heart, that is my wish today as well.

First Page Friday

Welcome back to First Page Friday. For any new people, several agents and editors said recently that they really only look at the first page or two of a submitted manuscript and if they aren't hooked on the story by then, they reject it. So, that's what First Page Friday is all about, having a national book editor, (whom we affectionately call Ms. Shreditor) critique first pages that are submitted to the blog and help tweak them be their absolute best. (If you would like to submit your first page for critique, email it to juliecoulterbellon@gmail.com and put First Page Friday in the subject line.)

As always, authors should look at the good comments and bask in that for a moment. Then look at the constructive criticism and remember that feedback can make your manuscript submission stronger. :)

The Entry

Untitled
by Melanie Goldmund

Bonnie Sorex jogged down the corridor as fast as she dared. It was busy at this time of day, and she had to dodge all kinds of people on her way to the medical centre. Niana, she thought, desperately reaching out to her twin, but their telepathic link was even more quiet than when Niana was asleep. At last, she arrived, and burst breathlessly into the reception area.

"How can I help you?" the man behind the desk asked.

"Geminiana Sorex," Bonnie gasped. "I was told she was here."

"Sorex," the man repeated. "Geminiana. Yes. Wait over there, please, I'll inform the medic that you're here."

There was already a fairly large group of worried people "over there" and all the seats had been taken. Bonnie leaned impatiently against the wall and watched them surreptitiously. She'd only been told that her twin sister had been involved in an accident and was now in the medical centre; now she had the feeling that others had been involved, too. And indeed, soon after, another relative arrived and was shown into their corner. Bonnie scooted over to make room. Again, she reached out telepathically to her sister, but again, the result was the same unnerving silence. Eventually, a woman in a white uniform came through a connecting door, checked a holopad, and called out a name. The man in question stood up and asked, "Is she all right?"

"Come with me," the woman said. She looked stern. "We'll talk about it inside."

It did not leave Bonnie with a positive feeling.. She waited while two other groups of relatives were called in, and the first man had come out again – alone and silent. Then the woman in white came out and called, "Trebonia Sorex?"

"Yes," Bonnie said, and straightened up from the wall.

"If you'll come with me," the woman said, and led her to an office.

"I'm Medica Vetrania," the woman said. "Geminiana Sorex is your … sister?"

"My twin," Bonnie said. The medic had said "is." That was a good sign, she thought vaguely. "Where is she? Is she all right?"

"She's alive," Medica Vetrania said. "She's in a suspended animation pod."

"What?" Bonnie gasped. No wonder she wasn't able to sense her sister. "Why?"

The medic sighed tiredly and said, "Exposure to heta gas. I'm afraid we're just not equipped to deal with it here on board the NL-13."

Bonnie wasn't sure she'd heard correctly. "Heta gas? Here?"

"It's only the newer transports that have to conform to government regulations about alternate energy lines," the medic said, then sighed. "This ship is old, and back then, nobody knew that heta emissions would react with both fire and water to produce heta gas."

"Fire and water … but how could that happen here?"

"There was some kind of explosion that blew open both an energy line and a water pipe," Medica Vetrania said. "Or at least that's what I've been able to deduce from the injuries. Unfortunately, the only people who can tell us for certain are dead. Your sister was one of the lucky ones. She's still alive, and we do have the suspended animation pods so that her condition won't worsen until she can get proper treatment."

Ms. Shreditor's Comments

The Good

There is a good mix of dialogue and exposition here. The story opens with action (Bonnie jogging down the hallway), and this creates narrative momentum right out of the gate. The writing is generally strong, with only minor copyediting issues here and there. Either this author is one heck of a self-proofreader, or she knows someone with solid proofreading skills. The text is quite clean for an early draft.

The story itself is quite intriguing. Telepathic twins and suspended animation pods and heta gas, oh my! There is a popular young adult sci-fi book/series, Across the Universe, that also involves suspended animation; however, the similarities end there. The telepathic twin angle diverges sharply from Beth Revis’s (The Chicago Manual of Style tells me to include the “s” after the apostrophe, and I am CMS’s slave.) bestseller and makes for a compelling plot element.

Speaking of Chicago style, I’d like to take a moment to encourage all authors to invest in a copy of the manual. The book is currently in its 16th edition, but the 15th edition will suffice for most stylistic issues. It is the gold standard of book publishing.

The Bad

I talked about nomenclature (i.e., naming conventions) in my first Friday critique. The names Geminiana and Trebonia feel a little forced. Is there a story behind these names? (If there is, you don’t necessarily need to cram it onto the first page; I just want to be sure that you’re not falling prey to the tendency to overdo first names.) It’s not that I’m against exotic names (to the contrary, they can be a welcome vacation from more conventional names, particularly in a futuristic sci-fi story like this), but once an unconventional first name surpasses three syllables, it starts to feel somewhat jarring to me. The twins’ nicknames, Bonnie and Niana, feel much more natural.

A stylistic note worth mentioning: When sharing thoughts inside your narrator’s head (Niana, she thought), make sure to italicize the thought itself (Niana, she thought.) This creates a clear delineation between the narrative and the rare glimpse into your protagonist’s mind. You also want to set up your autoformatting in Word to convert double hyphens into em-dashes. There is one in here that appears as an en-dash when it should be an em-dash. I won’t bore you all with a lesson on em-dashes versus en-dashes, though.

There are a few rough transitions in here, but nothing that a good copyedit couldn’t fix.

Lastly, use ellipses sparingly. They can become somewhat of a bad habit. They have their place (e.g., at the end of a piece of dialogue when words trail off), but authors sometimes overuse them to create rhythm in their dialogue. More often than not, more conventional punctuation can accomplish the same flow.

The Ugly

I think that the “ugliest” thing here (I hate using that word, but I couldn’t put part of Clint Eastwood’s three-pronged title out to pasture) is the length of the submission itself. At 538 words, this excerpt is much, much longer than a first page. A standard book page is 250 words, and a chapter-opening page is typically even shorter.

However, there is a silver lining here: This gives me an excuse to talk about the importance of following submission guidelines. I will digress from the sample at hand to address all writers reading this blog.

Read the guidelines very, very carefully before submitting your work for publication. Tape them to your bathroom mirror if necessary. Recite them to yourself at night instead of counting sheep. If the publisher calls for 60,000-65,000 words, don’t try submitting your 120,000-word behemoth. This is the fastest way to land your manuscript or proposal in the recycling bin. (And to any publishing houses out there that don’t recycle their office paper: for shame!) I won’t make a general practice out of critiquing samples this long, but the extended length of this sample provides a valuable teachable moment.

I have worked with unpublished authors who complain heartily when they fail to follow guidelines and wind up rejected because of it. Look, let me give it to you straight: If you can’t follow submissions guidelines, no publisher is going to want to work with you. The journey of a book from proposal to print is grueling, and the ability to follow instructions is vital to keeping the book on schedule.

Again, I'd like to thank Ms. Shreditor for her time and efforts. I really appreciate her. See you next Friday!

The Importance of the Rough Draft

Writing a rough draft is probably the hardest part of the writing process for me because I’m always tempted to go back and revise before the draft is done. I’m sort of like an impatient chef. I’m always changing ingredients and trying new things and I never get the thing cooked or on the table in a reasonable amount of time. So, there my manuscript sits, half-baked and half-done, and I’m already discouraged and starving, so to speak.

That’s why the rough draft is so important. There are things I learn in the rough draft that I can’t learn if I’m constantly picking at it. It’s cathartic because with drafting, I don’t have to worry so much about word count and whatnot if I can just let myself go, (which I try really hard to do.) Drafting is really all about just getting the story down and shouldn’t be so much about trying for perfection at this point.

Drafting is a great teacher for me. When I’m drafting, I learn a lot of things about my characters—who they are, what their motivations are, and their reactions to the situation. Even if some of those things change in revisions, I have a core knowledge of them because I’ve written them. I’ve written their story from Point A to Point B and I know them.

The second thing I learn while drafting is the basics of my plot, and if this plot can really carry through the entire thing. I have a history of writing really great beginnings, but then I have a tendency to have a sagging middle before my ending. While drafting I can at least get the basics down to support my middle plot and pinch points, so then, when I’m in the revising mode, I have the foundation in place to make my middle just as exciting as the beginning. I’ve also noticed lately that more ideas will come to me as I’m drafting (that I can write in the margins to flesh out later, even though it’s tempting to stop and revise or add.)

The last thing I learn while drafting is that I can do it. I can write this book from beginning to end. Once I get to the end of that first draft, I know that I have the skeleton of my story down and now it’s just a matter of fleshing it out and dressing it up.

It’s exciting to me to have that first draft down because I know it’s a big first step in my publishing process, and although it takes some willpower, once it’s done, I am much closer to my goal than I would be if I’d stopped to change my recipe if you will.

Obviously, the manuscript is not ready to be submitted after a first draft---there’s still a long way to go---but that first draft is like my ticket into the Big Dance. I’ve paid the dues, now I’ve got to prove I’ve got the moves. (I’m just full of analogies today! Sadly, you wouldn’t want to see my dance moves. It would probably scar you for life.)

The rough draft is your foundation and it is an important step that shouldn’t be overlooked or thought about too hard. It’s just something you have to do and, in the long run, you’ll be glad you did.

The Big Idea

Can you believe Hines won last night? Woohoo! I was so shocked about Chelsea (I’ve been spelling her name wrong. Oops) and Mark. I thought it would come down to those two and Hines and Kim for sure. It was definitely an exciting finale anyway. (Poor Maks. He’s never won.)

As for working Wednesday, I am thrilled to say that I got 2700 words on my new manuscript. When my husband’s alarm clock went off the other morning, I was still half-asleep and kind of dreamy when the plot of a new fiction novel came to me. I saw the first scenes and even how it all ended. Thankfully the baby slept in that day so I could get a bit more computer time than normal and I got the first scenes written down.

Since then I have given the book a general outline (which is three pages long) and I’ve finished the first chapter. I’m starting the second chapter today.

Most of you know that I only get snatches of computer time to write because I have a lot of children and a very busy schedule, but this book seems to be jumping off the keyboard onto the page, which makes it very easy to get a lot done.

My non-fiction book is coming along as well. So many ideas!

I’m really pleased with the progress I’ve made this week. Of course the children will be out of school next week, which can be good or bad for writing. I guess we’ll see.

How do book ideas come to you? When you’re half-asleep? Driving? Exercising?

Dancing With the Stars--Hines or Chelsie?

Wow, I can’t believe the mirror ball will be awarded tonight. This season has gone by so fast! And one of my favorites made it all the way to the end. Kirstie and Maks really showed how far they’ve come last night and I think Kirstie looked great. Of course, the two couples that will be contenders for the trophy are Chelsie and Mark, and Kim and Hines, but I thought Kirstie did a wonderful job.

I wasn’t that wowed by the freestyles, though. I definitely think Chelsie and Mark had the best one. One of my boys loved the light flashing shoes and gloves and they did look fun to wear. (Could you imagine me wearing them, though? I guess I could wow the grocery checker. Or the librarian. Maybe I could wear them to parent/teacher conference? Ah, such is the life of a mom). But the whole routine was fresh and fun and full of energy. I think Mark is a great choreographer and very creative.

Hines and Kim did a good freestyle, and I know she was injured recently, but their routine lacked the wow factor for me. Which is sad, because I want Hines to win. I know, it’s going to be close because Chelsie is good, but there’s just something about Hines.

So, tonight, I think it will come down to Hines or Chelsie to win, and I hope it’s Hines.

(P.S. Does anyone watch Sister Wives out there? Just curious.)

Food Storage 101

This past weekend I worked on organizing my food storage room. It might sound boring, but this year I started following a blog called Totally Ready. They have lessons on there about how to build your food storage that make so much sense to me.

I started here on Food Storage 101 Lesson One, at the beginning of the year and made my list of recipes that my family enjoys. I started my food storage reference binder. And I’ve gone from there. (You can find all the other lessons on the website). It makes me feel really satisfied when I look around at my food storage room and see how far I’ve come just since January.

I’ve still got a long way to go, but I feel like I’ve found my groove and can make my storage useful and used. Preparedness is a feeling all its own, and especially with all the flooding, fires, tornadoes and other natural disasters going on around our country, I feel good knowing that we could take care of our family in such an event.

Do you have any preparedness plans?

What We’re Doing for Family Night

Tonight I’m going to do the scripture grab bag. Several years ago I made a drawstring bag and put several pictures in it (sheep, boats, water, swords, etc.) Each time a child draws out a picture, he has to say what scripture story it could go to and why he likes that story. We’ve had some interesting discussions that way, since each picture could go to multiple stories and I find out what each child knows and thinks about the stories they’ve been taught. If you’d like to play this game I found a website that has a version of it and you can go here to download pictures (for free!) from each set of scriptures and just put it in a bowl or something.

What We’re Having for Dinner Tonight

Chicken Stroganoff

6 boneless skinless chicken breast halves
16 oz. sour cream
2 oz. pkg of dry onion soup mix
1 can cream of mushroom soup
12 oz. wide egg noodles

Place the chicken in the crockpot. Mix the sour cream and soups in a bowl, then pour it over the chicken. Cook for 6 hours, then serve over the cooked noodles.