tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post4817431282127627766..comments2023-10-14T06:54:41.793-06:00Comments on Julie Coulter Bellon: First Page FridayJulie Coulter Bellonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07695605817809301518noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post-23633976206969826652012-08-03T16:42:34.009-06:002012-08-03T16:42:34.009-06:00Thank you, Jon!!!Thank you, Jon!!!Debra Erferthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08239033133090036826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post-69665521430633433222012-08-03T16:41:22.916-06:002012-08-03T16:41:22.916-06:00Thanks, Ms. Shreditor, you gave me a lot to redo b...Thanks, Ms. Shreditor, you gave me a lot to redo before ever letting another reader get their hands on this story. This is the first sequel I've tried, and I don't know how to bring pieces of the previous story into the next. Obviously this wasn't the way. Okay, cut the first scene!Debra Erferthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08239033133090036826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post-21127829921875454522012-08-03T16:37:39.915-06:002012-08-03T16:37:39.915-06:00Oh no, they spelled Tristi's name wrong! (Or I...Oh no, they spelled Tristi's name wrong! (Or I have been.)<br /><br />Pretty cool article, there. Get your name in the paper and all. =)<br /><br />Debra, fun little passage. I think if you hadn't signed it, I would have guessed it was you, because your short story entry had a similar gumshoe feel to it. <br /><br />My only comments would be in the part where she drops her checkbook, there's kind of a lot going on there and I got confused. (I had a moment where I thought Candy was worried about her fingers being stepped on.) I would probably also leave out the personal injuries until later, choosing to push in more scene development. I like your style though, and would love to see the finished product. =)Jon Spellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13283068961865370674noreply@blogger.com