tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post2242795372724869876..comments2023-10-14T06:54:41.793-06:00Comments on Julie Coulter Bellon: First Page FridayJulie Coulter Bellonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07695605817809301518noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post-56971694928108711192012-01-21T18:20:26.490-07:002012-01-21T18:20:26.490-07:00Kurt, I think this website gives a pretty good exp...Kurt, I think this website gives a pretty good explanation of show dono't tell http://www.writing-world.com/basics/dawn02.shtml<br /><br />Let me see if I can explain a little more. It's letting us see the scene for ourselves instead of telling us. When you say, he slowly rose to his feet. Still he could see nothing. He thought . . . it's all telling us instead of letting us experience it with him. For example, you could say, "The darkness closed in around him as he tried to stand, putting his arms out to balance himself. "My fellow believers piled the rocks high," he whispered, as if speaking aloud would break the stillness surrounding him." <br /><br />I don't know, I hope you can see what I'm trying to do. It's setting a scene instead of just telling a story. It's the layers in a picture instead of just a drawing. A telltale sign is usually when you have a lot of he said, he stood, he looked, he rose, etc. I hope that makes sense and is helpful! :)Julie Coulter Bellonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07695605817809301518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post-36234097556814295822012-01-21T17:47:40.490-07:002012-01-21T17:47:40.490-07:00Thanks, Julie. Can you give us an example of how t...Thanks, Julie. Can you give us an example of how to change this from "telling" to "showing"? I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing.Kurt Kammeyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05041005394960082742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post-10258100704019301482012-01-20T20:48:31.643-07:002012-01-20T20:48:31.643-07:00Sorry, Kurt, when I put the italics in, it jumps u...Sorry, Kurt, when I put the italics in, it jumps up a line and I missed it before I posted. I fixed it now.<br /><br />And I thought it was a good excerpt as well, but one thing that jumped out at me was how much of this is told to us. He sat, he felt, he slowly lifted, he slowly rose, etc., etc., there's no real immediate connection for the reader because it's all told to us instead of shown. Actions should be shown so your reader can be there with them, if that makes sense. But I can appreciate what is there, for sure. :)<br /><br />Thanks again for submitting! :)Julie Coulter Bellonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07695605817809301518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post-10200149946546056652012-01-20T20:39:47.017-07:002012-01-20T20:39:47.017-07:00There should be a paragraph mark before "He s...There should be a paragraph mark before "He slowly rose to his feet". Not sure how that got lost...Kurt Kammeyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05041005394960082742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post-78633310948589950352012-01-20T13:13:42.341-07:002012-01-20T13:13:42.341-07:00That is a very fun first page! I would definitely ...That is a very fun first page! I would definitely want to read more of it.Jon Spellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13283068961865370674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4421706587311875668.post-87302397071068097782012-01-20T10:45:27.436-07:002012-01-20T10:45:27.436-07:00Cool excerpt!! And I love the quote. It's a go...Cool excerpt!! And I love the quote. It's a good fit with writing and characters :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02000569858548717605noreply@blogger.com